This past Sunday, recent graduates of Phillips Academy, a prestigious Massachusetts boarding school, were found consuming alcohol at a graduation party in Sunapee, New Hampshire.
According to local news reports, Officer Bradley Johnson bravely interrupted the party long after the revelry had died down to help rescue the graduates from their slumber.
When asked to recount the story of his valiant excursions, Officer Johnson reports, “I had noticed some loud and suspicious activity occurring around 1 a.m. It was then that I did what any good officer in my shoes would have done: I waited around three hours for the craziness of the party to die down, so that any injuries or illnesses that would happen during the party could run their course. Finally, around 4:20 a.m., I figured most of the kids were asleep, which gave me and the backup forces from the 6 neighboring towns just the right opportunity to do our duties and protect them.”
Dylan Rochester, an attendee of the night’s activity, said in an email to The Gorilla,“You know, I’m so thankful to officer Johnson for waking me up and giving me ample time to sprint into the woods on Monday morning. I was pretty concerned before going into the party that I would break my leg while sleeping or something like that, but instead I only twisted my ankle while running from the cops!”
The school itself reports being “deeply disappointed” in its graduates, who, according to a statement released by the Head of School, failed to practice the non sibi values that Andover so cherishes.
It is clear why the school would be appalled by its newly made alumni. After all, actions such as: staying sober to drive people safely home, helping overly-drunk friends from accidentally harming themselves, and stalling the police to your own detriment so that your classmates can get away do not at all “reflect the true character of the graduating class.”
In a recent interview, Derrick Jackson ’15, an exemplary Andover student of sterling character, stated: “I’m really glad Andover taught me how to be noble and take responsibility for my actions – even when I make mistakes, which is why, when we were taken into the police station, my first decision was to call our Assistant Dean of Students and see if he could get us out of trouble.”
The police estimate the total expense of helping rescue these kids at around $2,750. Luckily, these costs were covered by the $17,500 the town earned from towing cars and ticketing students. All additional profits from the night will be put toward sending Police Chief Langley’s son to Deerfield next fall.