By Max Vale ’18
The Andover community was left in utter shock at the very end of today’s All-School Meeting when Mr. Palfrey made an announcement. “With the beginning of the new month brings the beginning of a new life,” stated Palfrey, behind the trusty podium atop the Chapel stage. “As with many of you, I too am starting a new chapter in my life today. It is with great honor that I announce that you should all hmu on Soundcloud @ JPalfs.”
Palfrey continued, “I’m an up and coming artist who’s about to make it big and would love for all of you to check me out. My newest mixtape, ‘Non Sibi’, dropped yesterday, and I’d love for all of you to give it a listen.”
The sounds in the chapel grew to a roar as students and faculty collectively grew more and more confused, questioning Mr. Palfrey’s announcement with phrases, such as “what?”, “really?”, and “lmao is dis man srs?”. Sources also report that a few people broke out in laughter at the utter thought of Andover’s Head of School producing a mixtape that was worth listening to.
“I was in so much shock that I almost couldn’t sprint to Commons to grab lunch before seventh period started,” said two-year Upper, Sturr Frye. “I mean, I can’t go to math without a slice of pizza on Wednesday, but the only thing on my mind was deciding whether or not to listen to ‘Non Sibi’.”
“I didn’t know if Andover would be the right school for me, but after hearing Mr. Palfrey’s straight fire, I am confident in my decision to attend school here,” exclaimed Ella Phant ’20. By sign-in on Wednesday, about 76% of the Andover community, as well as 35% of students and faculty in the Ten Schools Admissions Organization, had listened to and approved of “Non Sibi”. Notable tracks on the mixtape, such as “A>E” and “Off the Grass”, were heard coming out of dorm windows on many campuses across New England. The mixtape had gone viral.
“This shit is an absolute banger,” said Traph Ouse ’17, who was listening to the mixtape while lifting in the Borden Gym. “I’m DJing the next den dance and some friends and I are remixing a few of the songs. I guarantee you that ‘Non Sibi’ will be a notable presence during the Dance this Saturday.” The four year senior then continued his lift while mouthing the lyrics to “Squash Master”, another fan-favorite track on Palfrey’s mixtape.
By Friday morning, over 98% of the Andover community and 81% of the Ten Schools Admissions Organization had listened to “Non Sibi”. Many people are currently awaiting news on Palfrey’s next mixtape, which rumor states, will be a collaboration project with Lisa MacFarlane, the Head of School at Exeter.