By James Collett ’20
This year marks the first housing lottery in which students were asked to request their dorms for next year via an online survey. This came as a shock to most upperclassmen, many of whom were accustomed to drawing numbers out of a hat. According to that one techmaster that you know through a mutual acquaintance, the survey was created with high levels of security, thereby preventing students from hacking into it and letting them pick their dorms themselves. However, certain CompSci 500 students proved that one techmaster wrong by hacking the survey, changing their lottery numbers to one through seven, and placing themselves in Foxcroft singles.
A Gorilla representative overheard students at the CompSci language table discussing their successful attempt to hack the boarding survey and change their lottery numbers. They were still slightly nervous that all of them being placed into Foxcroft singles would be suspicious. The representative, who wishes to remain anonymous (due to the fact that they’re a massive snitch), was able to separate a CompSci student from his pack and coerce him into speaking to The Gorilla on the record. He agreed to speak only under his online alias, Winston Dows the 8th. “Yeah, we hacked the survey,” Win Dows exclaimed. “So what? People do it all the time. I heard about some kid a few years back who hacked into his grade book and changed half of his grades to 6s. What we did honestly isn’t that bad.”
When asked about the possibility of him and his peers being asked to leave Andover after committing such actions, Dows responded, “What would you do to live in a dorm that was so close to your classes that you could leave at 7:56 every morning and still make it on time to first period?”. The Gorilla representative then ran to their Rel-Phil class to address the extreme moral crossroads laying in front of them.
The same group was later seen beginning their next project; controlling what commons serves each meal. If successful, expect to see an increased amount of coffee, chocolate milk, pizza, and Wild Sweet Orange tea packets.