By Thomas Wiener ‘19

In the last 23 minutes of a brutal double period class of The Bible and its Contexts, new Blue Key Head Addy Rahl ‘18, made an unprecedented subject change. Looking to get an early start on memorizing blue key chants for orientation next September, Rahl pounced upon a gaping opportunity to connect her class’ discussion of circumcision and the Bell Tower to the pressing matters concerning the stompage (or stomparity, depending on your preferred lingo) of the Phillipian athletic coalition, commonly known by many as the “Mighty Mighty Blue.” Despite the six previous topic digressions that had already occurred that class, everyone in the class was taken completely by surprise by Addy’s bold move. The teacher and class had agreed “to stick to Christianity for the rest of the period”, assuring everyone that such a catastrophe would not plague the class again – or so they thought.

Eyewitness and Senior finally squeezing in his Philosophy/Religion requirement Creed A. Tivnayme expressed his shock at the conversational curve ball. “I didn’t necessarily mind the subject change, since I’m only here for the easy 6 in RelPhil,” said Tivnayme. “But, I thought the rest of my classmates, who probably are actually interested in the sacred texts of the first-century Canaanites, would be much more bothered by the discussion change.”

So what do you do after getting a good ol’ stomping? Rahl suggested the CCC should be involved. Tivnayme said to use it as an excuse to get personal time. One kid who needs to just stop talking went on a rant about something that sounded like he wanted commons to make a greater surplus of Korean tacos. So in case you hadn’t guessed already, no one got anything out of the conversation. Shocking!

Sadly, the debate eventually lost steam once the vegan with a leather jacket, taking his fifth RelPhil class to justify his moral superiority, argued the bigger problem was the school’s diet of red meat. Apparently he hadn’t taken the hint to shut up when his dorm voted to exile him to the Inn. Sad.
In other news, the Den is now selling fidget spinners for $35 a G.