By Mike O’Donnell ‘17
I love Andover. I really do. I remember my first time stepping on this campus for my tour and interview all those years ago. Four years later, and I’ve become a brighter and better person all around. But, I don’t think that the school really recognizes all of the change that I, and the rest of the graduating class have have made during our time here. We definitely did not receive that recognition during the last ASM of the year. So, here are my thoughts on what the school should have done for us, in recognition of all that we’ve been through during our time at Andover.
First, I think that all of the underclassmeat, uppers included, should have been forced to clap for a straight half hour as we enter the Chapel, and then be forced to bow to us as we take our seats. I mean, think about it. The vast majority of us have ventured into the underworld itself and made it out the other side in one piece, yet very few people realize this. This school is hard, and we should’ve been deified for making it through. We DESERVE the proper recognition while entering our final ASM.
Following this theme of recognition, the entire senior class should’ve been served a personalized steak dinner in the Chapel (with vegan options for those members of the graduating class who do not partake in the consumption of meat). And no, I’m not talking about red meat to be eaten raw. I’m talking about a fancy-ass dinner with sides featuring seasonal vegetables, potatoes roasted in our class roast page, and an assortment of Den snacks that somehow survived the 50% off sale. The school definitely had enough money for it, and we sure as fuck earned it after all of the shit that we’d been through. Also, it was the last Wednesday of our Andover careers; did you really want us to have to eat lunch in Commons with those PLEBEIANS?
Lastly, we deserved another thirty minute standing ovation as we left the Chapel at the end of ASM. In all of our glory, one round of applause was not enough for us. We required a second, half hour long session of praise. And while we’re at it, the school should’ve just given every senior seventh period free after the last ASM. I mean, we’d earned it, after all. And if we’d had seventh period free, we could have used the time to make Mr. Palfrey’s birthday party even better.
Still, thank you, Andover. Thank you for at least doing the bare minimum in senior recognition. We greatly appreciated it.
By Ethan Brown ‘17 and Leo Brother ‘18