By Leo Brother ‘18
Students are getting more sleep than ever this October after Commons moved from its standard coffee cups to a smaller, more environmentally conscious option. The change is being attributed to Head of School John Palfrey P’21, as part of his annual sleep challenge.
“Everything just sort of fell into place perfectly”, said Palfrey. “Our Commons Coffee Budget has doubled since the Knowledge and Goodness fundraising campaign, so we were already in a position to pay more for smaller cups. The sleep challenge came at just the right time.”
The cups, which now serve a more sustainable, more expensive, weaker coffee, have been met with mixed reviews by students. “I’m so tired all the time,” said Jim Shortz ‘19. “I’ve had to cut down to 22 clubs instead of my usual 29 so I have enough time to sleep. That means at best that I’ll have 18 or 19 board spots to choose from for my college app next year.” He continued speaking with the Gorilla about what this means for his future while clearly suffering through the worst caffeine withdrawal headache in human history. He added, “at least the cups have that cool 90’s stripe design thing.”
Even though most students are now getting as many as 6 hours of sleep per night, many have declined to record their time in bed. This is partially due to Palfrey’s deliberate ambiguity about the prize, as most students no longer have the free time to look up what a Yogibo is. But is mostly due to the impossibility of winning the challenge. It’s already a foregone conclusion that the grand prize will go to Postgraduate Jeffrey Cruit ‘18, who sustained a head injury during last week’s football game and has no intention of leaving his comically undersized dorm bed for the rest of the month while he recovers.